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nějak se mi tam opakují slova.. no, neva.
+ obrázky, jéj.
 27.05.2016 3 776(7) 0 |
the state of mind
i´m in
right now
in my bed
by myself
with you
on my mind
mind tease
throat squeeze
and body in heat
my face soaked up
in liquid in bitter-sweet
sweet nor passionate
as it seems to be
the climax of blue
shivers out all agonies
i´m in
right now
in my bed
by myself
with you
on my mind
mind tease
throat squeeze
and body in heat
my face soaked up
in liquid in bitter-sweet
sweet nor passionate
as it seems to be
the climax of blue
shivers out all agonies
29.05.2016 - 22:54okay, so, if you want to write in english, do it properly or don't do it. i'd say that writing in english and publishing it on a servers where the majority of users speaks czech is not very efficient, but i do it as well so i'm not the one to talk about that. anyway - 'mind tease' and 'throat squeeze' don't really make sense grammatically and kind of murder the poem which didn't seem so bad at the beginning and then it all goes to hell, especially at the beginning of the second stanza. you can't have 'nor' without a 'neither' preceding it, this is not maths. also, 'the climax shivers out agonies would've been a great phrase had it been written intentionally but something tells me you had a different meaning on your mind. the entire thing is painfully czech and might've been good if written /in/ czech.
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